When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
