Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
