You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
