I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just found puke in my bra..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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