You're my little dorito
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize