if you like me you must not know who I am
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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