People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
