is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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