he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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