My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
