Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
