I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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