it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
