if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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