I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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