this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
