I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
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Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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