You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A+ Viking dick
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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