We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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