I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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