Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize