you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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