wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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