also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
