Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize