It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
