I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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