It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
