So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
