i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize