Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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