I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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