Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
