I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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