You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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