Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
