It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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