Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
