I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just invented taco cereal.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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