i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize
