He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
