if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
