I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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