Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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