you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
