ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking