They should really pass out barf bags in church
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
