Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
