Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
