I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
How's work?
Spinning.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
