I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thank you for not boning my boss.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
