he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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