you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
