i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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