I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
