90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
