I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't deserve a penis
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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