he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
