Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize