Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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