so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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