Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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