he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
