did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?