dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.