I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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