I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
