When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.