i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.