I'm pants shitting drunk right now
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
