When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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