It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
