I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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