Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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