bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
