i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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