This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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