We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she peed on how many people?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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