drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
