i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I want to have your abortion
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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