Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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