We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
