I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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