I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
