well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
