This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
