Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
