i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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