The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
