Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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