im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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