I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
