You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
